Air-borne – Part Two

He was fully immersed in his work when he got her call. He wanted to avoid the call. He would not have picked up the call if it was someone else’s. But it was from her. His wife. He picked it up. She had called to tell that she just reached airport and that her boarding to start in 30 mins. She sounded tired. He put the phone down and got back to work. Somehow, he could not concentrate. He had missed her. She was in Mumbai for the last three days.   He checked his watch. She would be home in about 3 hours from now. May be he would order dinner so they can have it together.

He gave up on his work, packed his stuff and left the office. People looked at him weirdly. He had never left office this early before. He wanted to be home when she came home. He ordered food and turned on the tv, waiting for her. After about 30 mins, he heard the doorbell. He got up to open it. She was there, looking exhausted. She came in and hugged him. His heart skipped a beat and was on his throat. That made his day, justified his act of leaving early from office on a hectic day. They ate, caught up on the last three days and went to bed.

The house that was empty for the last three days, felt like home again.

She went to sleep as soon as she hit the bed, her hand reaching out to him. He linked his fingers with hers. He had never figured out what he had done to have gotten her in his life. She is fun, social, and intelligent and has a way with people - all that he is not. And she had wound herself onto him for reasons that were beyond him. He is not even remotely romantic. He is not the type to bring the moon for her. He is practical, feet planted firmly on ground types. Somehow, she didn’t seem to want the moon. She seemed quite happy with him. As though to neutralize her excess energy and keep her firmly grounded.

And so he took her. Vowed to keep her happy. She liked her work and loved travelling. He has always felt that she was extra happy when she travelled. So, he let her. When she was happy, she painted the world in bright colours, colours he had not even imagined he would see. Though he missed her when she was gone, he lived with it, because it brought him a sense of deep accomplishment when she came back to him, tired but extremely happy and full of fun stories. He remembered what she told about flights and window seats. She had told that it was like being inside a bubble. He smiled and sighed. She would be aloof and lost sometimes but, she always came back to him. He knew that it is important for her that he be there. No questions asked. If that’s what made her happy, he would move heaven and earth to be there.

 He switched off the lights and settled down to sleep, hugging her close.

Air-borne - Part One

She settled down for her 263rd flight. To the ever beautiful land of Mumbai. She was exhausted after a gruelling day at work. She just wanted to close her eyes and be left alone. It was a window seat. There had been times when she would have been completely excited at having the window seat. She always liked peering through the window. High above, it will give her the feeling that she is inside a bubble. A bubble where nothing or nobody can touch her. A bubble of clouds. A temporary safe cocoon. It will always give her the adrenaline rush, when the plane tears through the clouds on its descent, when she used to count the minutes until she will hit the reality. Hit the ground. 

Now, after 262 flights, she did not feel any of the excitement.

Her mind wandered to her first flight. About 8 years back, she took her first flight to Mumbai. She travelled with a friend who takes flights every other day. She was surprised that anyone flying could be so disinterested about it.  She kept chattering non-stop - about the airports, about the travellers, about the ‘frisking’, about the security check for women. She jumped up and down in excitement when the safety instructions were briefed and she read the safety pamphlet back to front without leaving a word. What if she had to use it? A very sane rational fear! Her friend was silently observing her, stifling a grin. He was kind enough to refrain from telling her that, after ten or so flights, all these will become boring, if not tedious. He knew that if he had told, she would have denied point black. So he kept his mouth shut. He let her experience. 

That was the day she fell in love with him, all over again. Off all the guys she has had the pleasure to be friends with, this one was different. He made her feel alive. Oh he can pamper and court. All in earnest. Once when she went out with him, he never let her feet touch the ground. Or may be she always felt high. Anyway. She wearily opened one eye to see that the food trolley was approaching. They were bringing dinner. Dinner in the planes will be hot and she needed hot. She mustered all her energy to sit up straight and start on dinner. Thinking about him had curbed her of all her hunger. Drained her. 

Its almost five full years since she saw him or heard from him. They had parted after they both had married and decided its best to stay away. Okay. They married different people because,they were foolish enough to believe that they were not right for each other. They fought too often for starters. She missed him. All those years without him in life, hit her in the face and she desperately wanted to call him. Once they were the closest. When they hangout with their friends, everyone around felt their connect. The aura that they cast around themselves and people around them. It was beyond magical and may be thats why it had to stop. Calling would not be wise. He has a family of his own and she, hers. No. It would be totally unwise. She thanked God that she is 40000 feet above ground and in no way to make any call, let alone him. However, she wished. Wished with all her heart that she see him. Just once may be. To see what time has done to him. If he still had that moustache, if he still had that twinkle in his eyes. If his eyes would still light up when she came in front of him. She sighed again. She would always love him, no matter what. Even after having her own family whom she loves dearly. 

She gripped the seat belt tightly. She wanted to land soon. She closed her eyes and settled down for an uncomfortable nap.

One last time

She was pacing the balcony, telling herself that he will walk in any moment now. They had had an argument and he had walked out without a backward glance. She was raging herself and hence she didn't care. She went about doing her work. She knew, this time, she was not wrong. So she stood her ground. She hoped he would come back. He loved her, she told herself as she finished 97th round of her huge balcony.

Every time a bike passed, she rushed and saw, hoping it was him. And every time, her heart crumbled in disappointment. And with every passing bike sound, her hurt grew. Like a bubble about to burst. When it bursts, there will be nothing between them. It hurt. Big time.

By the end of her 163rd round and 5 hrs later, she was resigned. She told herself it's not worth the pain or the hurt. She has to let go and get on with her life. She thought she finally got a grip. She got up to go down for dinner. As she started to climb down the stairs, she heard the revving of a bike. Her heart thudded in her ears. Her mind waged war with her heart. She wanted to turn back and see. At the same time, she wanted to keep climbing down without checking out who it is. Go on or go back, on or back. She gave in. She turned and saw with a bone-crushing disappointment that it was no one of significance to her.

H.E.R

He was walking aimlessly in the extremely crowded square. He heard a familiar voice amidst millions of random ones. He looked up to see her walking towards him, hand in hand with her friend. With all her elaborate gestures even in that tiny space. He watched her. She was talking animatedly. 

Her eyes crinkled..

Her lips curved..

and she smiled..

His world went on an overdrive. After all these years, her smile stirred something deep inside him. He stood and stared, not knowing what to do. 

She passed him. Not realising that she broke his heart, yet again.

Promises to Keep..

Kochadaiiyan songs are out and no wonder we are all listening to the songs in loop for the ARR magic to sink in. I have seen some reviews which say that the songs are not worth of ARR. I tell you, speak for yourselves, losers! Spellbinding songs. And trust me, it gives you peace and you can just close your eyes and listen to it and get pulled into the magic slowly. Its like a sedative. That slow pull into myriad of thoughts, well no, I should say feelings. All those powerful feelings inside you and only ARR can make you feel all that with his music. Okay, I will stop. However, I wanted to write about the stark contrast in these two songs specifically. 

One: Manapennin Sathiyam (Sung by Lata Rajnikanth)

Two: Manamaganin Sathiyam (Sung by Haricharan)

Just click on and listen while you read this. The contrast characters of a man and a woman will be subtle but stunning and will take your breath away.

Edit: A point I noticed after watching the movie. The man's promise is played before the marriage while the girl's promise was played after the marriage. 

Okay. About the Girl's promise: (I thought about writing it as a "Woman's promise" Somehow, it didn't fit. A girl sounded more apt for the theme of the songs.)

One word that I can relate to the entire song is 'Warmth'. Its like a woman's song who is totally in love, with so much feelings and care. No. Care is not the word. Its too light. Its more in the lines of protective in that shy, warm way. The way only a woman can make a man feel. The way a mother can make you feel. Feel loved and wanted.

The songs starts with these lines 

"Kaadhal Kanavaa Undhan Karam Vidamaataen" (Oh my Man of dreams, I wont let go of your hands)
The companion-ness. The Woman promises to hold on to him tight at all times. 

And then she says; 

"Unathu Ulagai Enathu Kannil Paarthida Seivaen" (I will show you your world, in my eyes)

Only a woman can tell this. The man will show the world to her. A woman makes it hers by making it warm. In this, she promises to make his world theirs and call it home with all the love

And then she sings about how she will make him warm. Literally and metaphorically. 

"Mazhai Naalil Un Maarbil Kamabliyaavaen (I will be your cover on a rainy day)

 Malai Kaatrai Thalai Kothi Nithirai tharuvaen" (I will make you sleep by caressing you like the mountain wind)

What more can a man want than to be accepted and respected and loved?

"Unathu Veeram Ènathu Šaaram Pillaikku Tharuvaen (I will bear a child with your courage and my roots)

Kaalam Maatram Naerumbøthu Gavanam Kølvaen (When the times change, I will guide you carefully)

Kattil Araiyil Šamayal Araiyil Puthumai Šeivaen (I will bring newness in the bed and the kitchen)

A woman is not naive. She is strong and she is authoritative in her quiet way. She promises to bear a child who will carry the roots from her and inherit the courage from him. These lines highlights that a dad and mom bring two different important qualities to the table which can go a long way in making the kid terrific. 

Azhagu Penngal Pazhaginaalum Aiyam Køllaen" (Even when beautiful girls talk to you, I will not worry)

This line highlights the implicit trust she has on him. Its naughty, lite and a kind of tease. Hats off to Vairamuthu for writing this.

Finally, she supports the man in whatever he does. For he is her partner, her companion, her life and her everything in this world and beyond.

"Un Kanavugal Nijamaga Ènayae Tharuvaen (I will give myself to make your dreams come true)

 Un Vaazhvu Mannil Neela Èn Uyir Tharuvaen" (I will give my life to make you live long)

Thats her promise. Promise of a dream. Promise for hope. Ain't she beautiful, inside and out?

This beautiful woman can meet her match only with an equally awesome man, who is gentle yet strong. What this song highlights is chivalry. Something very different. Only men can be chivalrous in a way that can make a woman feel like a queen. 

The Man's promise, (It gets even better) (Btw, I did not feel like writing "A Guy's promise. A guy is better when he is mature. So its sexy when we say "Man")

The song starts with a line similar to the girl's promise but with a very subtle difference.

"Kanne Kaniyae Unnai Kaivida Maataen" (Oh my dear Girl, I wont let go of your hand)

The use of Karam vidamaaten, and kai vidamaaten has made the difference. Its like saying that she will hold on to him tight while he wont let go of her. There is a world of difference between the two lines and perfectly bring out the characters of the woman and the man.

While she brings warmth to the relationship, he intones it with these

"Ippiravil Innoru Pennai Sinthaiyiul Thodaen (Will not even think of other woman in this lifetime)

 Netri Pottil Mutham Pathithu Nitham Ezhuvaen" (Will wake up by kissing your forehead)

He shows love in the most purest form. And the most tricky part, understanding her. He gives her what she would want most. Himself completely. 

And now, comes the chivalry, even cheeky lines

"Kaiporul Yaavaiyum Karaithaalum Kanakku Kaelaen (Will not say anything even if you spend everything we have)

Ovoru Vaathamum Mudiyumbothu Unnidam Thorpaen" (I will lose every time we argue)

A wise man understands that he can ever win an argument. Even if he wins, he would lose, straight away. So this man is wise and whats more, he does not mind her spending :D

Its true that a man can be gentle yet strong, quiet but brave,  simple on the face but a bunch of contradictions. May be its only for the woman of his life. Like this,

"Artha Jaamam Thirudan Pola Athirnthu Paesaen (I will not raise my voice in front of you)

Nøi Madiyødu Nee Vizhunthaal Thaai Madiyaavaen (When you fall sick, will take care of you like a mother)

Šwasam Pøla Arugil Irunthu Šugapadavaipaen" (Like breath, I will make you feel better by just being with you )

While she supports whatever he does, he respects hers as his own with everything he has. For she makes his world.

"Unthan Uravai Ènthan Uravai Nenjil Šumapaen" (I will respects all thats yours as mine)

Hers is a promise of hope, of dreams. His is a promise of life, of love. 

These two songs tell us how a man and woman complement each other. Rooting a family in love, nurturing it with warmth is something only a woman can do while the man does everything to protect it and seal it with love. Together, its beautiful. The relationship that a man and woman can share in this world. Songs like these make you believe in fairytales and happily-ever-afters. 

Why not, if you believe, may be it will happen to you.

In those days, before my marriage.. !

I am in that epic period. On the brink of getting married. The period which is going to be referred in my life as "those days before marriage" with a fond, knowing smile. Its a history being created, in my life :)

I am in that golden period, where everything appear to happen in slow motion while actually it's speeding by. 

I am in that period where am singled out and labelled 'BRIDE and given all the possible luxury ever available to any living person. Being a bride is special and once in a lifetime after all :)

I am in that period where everything in colors seem even more beautiful. Blue red white black. And I learn to differentiate between light pink, baby pink, dark pink, rose, panju mittai pink, baby rose, lite rose and thousand other shades. 

I am in that period where I spend money and nobody asks me why or tell me not to spend. When they actually ask why I am not spending and if am feeling okay if I don't spend buying new things :) 

It's that period of time where any wedding scene or song come across as the best thing I have ever seen or heard.

That period where the entire world including my mom teases me about THAT guy and make me go red in face!

It's that period where everything I do is associated with the guy, who, poor guy, has no clue as to what's happening.

It's that period where I get to steamroll the guy into accepting that yellow is indeed better than red ;) 

It's that period when our entire family wishes us luck when we say we are going out to dinner :) 

It's that period where I seem to have second thoughts about google. The only time I can assure. When I browsed  a yellow with blue saree, it didn't throw up great results :( 

It's that period where my friends come home and the first thing we do is a high energy hifi and talk at the top of our voices.

That period where even if am on shower, my mom brings the phone to the bathroom telling me that the call is from the 'maaplai'. Earlier it used to be a nice telling off that I never put my phone down.

In that period where my tired face was construed to be due to a result of some fight with my guy.

Where the entire family shows so much confidence in me that I am dazzled. Sample:

When I forget to turn off gas stove and let the milk over boil, my Perima goes like, she is now dreaming, wedding ku aprom paaru, she will be brilliant! 

Feeling incredibly blessed :) 

God

Earlier, I had written a post about the ultimate Director - GOD, here. When I told this friend of mine that my next blog post topic is GOD, this is what he had in mind. He was kind enough to send it across to me. I was surprised to see how very different his post was from what ever I had in mind. Thank you K, for the generous post. Anyway, here it is..

Directors say directing tough and acting varathu actors are tough. Producers say budgeting for a film and financing a movie is more risky and tough. Music directors say creating BGM and making tunes for songs forms the toughest part in making a movie. Likewise every technician has their own view point, they either say their work is the tough or gives credit to the other technician.

Awards are given to best directors, producers, screen play writers, actors, music directors and so on and there are different awards. Different bodies around the globe give different awards. We hero worship actors, movie makers and applaud and hail them high for their contribution to the film society.

Most of the movies or serials or sitcoms are not shot live. So there is chance to correct errors. Imagine a live movie shot with trillions of people, each person has a unique character and is different from each other and the responsibility of the person making the movie has to be the director, the producer, the camera man, the producer, the script writer to the clap boy. This person responsible has to create different genres such as action, suspense, thrill, crime, love, romance, sex, sympathy, tragedy at a time in different places simultaneously.

The only person who can compete with this person is our very own “Tamzihaganthin thanmana singham” Vijay TR and guys I’m not talking about him.

This live movie is shot in a place called Earth and the person responsible in creating this amazing live action, drama, comedy, crime, sex, sympathy, tragedy, romance is called “GOD”. He scripts the journey of our lives from birth till death, our happiness, our relationship, joy and our learning. When we come from the movie we always thank the directors and script writers for the excellent movie (if it’s good) but when we take a step back and question ourselves , have we ever thanked “God “ for scripting our lives , scripting our relationship that we want, scripting success. I personally say I don’t thank him. When there is a tragedy or failure or sorrow I blame him but I don’t thank him during happiness and also don't thank him when there is a  learning from a failure.

The idea behind this post was to thank Lord God for creating such a stage for us to act and making us a star every day and not to comment on any profession.   I respect every profession and I love movies and I’m a big movie buff and folks at home call me “ THE IMDB”.

Folks, who happen to bump on this post, please take a moment to thank God  – the director, the producer, the script writer, the music director, the cameraman, and the innovator immediately , kyon ki kya patha Kal ho Naa Ho...

For more of his posts, please drop into K's Blog

Big Bang Theory

-----

Editing, 

Screenplay, 

Dialogues, 

Music & 

Direction by: 

"The GOD!"

  

Just imagine for a second, what would you do if you were asked to write a script involving trillion characters and it is all for a live show. And… there should be no goof ups.

Let me explain. Say for example, you have to create that scene where a guy is waiting at a signal. He should turn right. When he turns right, he should be in the path of a car that has been waiting at the signal. Like Sun Tv serials you cannot simply have a car waiting there. Remember? It’s a live show. So the car should have come there precisely at that time to be ready to hit the guy when he turns right. So there should be a separate story for the guy in the car and the story should so require that the car is at that signal at that point of time. Let us assume that this car guy had to cut across another guy in cycle and now because of one minute spent in slowing the car to get back on track, he is stuck.  He keeps cursing the cycle guy because if he had not cut across him, he would not have been caught in the signal now. Remember, you are the director. You should have a story ready for the cycle guy with a good enough reason for cutting across the car guy.

'Whew' -if this is the word in your mind right now, read on.

God is busy creating these scenes. Every day he has to manipulate, screenplay, direct and orchestrate the Trillion characters he has created in over enthusiasm when Eve bit Adam, er sorry, when Eve bit the forbidden apple. So yeah! People, Grow up!! God has enough on his plate without you yelling at him for a range of things from ‘Oh-God-he stamped my foot’ to ‘Oh-God-let-my-boss-forget-to-ask- me-about-that-project-I-didn’t-do-yet’ stuff. (Of course: God does take these into consideration and honors these requests if it is from his favorite characters. Like ME of course!) Keep in mind, God has Trillion characters to direct and more importantly, he has to fathom the mysterious girls’ and of course, the guys mind and create scenes so atleast a majority of the characters can be happy.

Trust me and God, making you sad is not his objective. Okay. Imagine having to watch a Sun-Tv soap which only makes you sob, how long will you watch it? Yeah. God is into this show for centuries so surely he will not be able to stand the show he is creating, if it is always sad. Its just that it might take him sometime to create a scene of happiness to a particular character.  Sometimes even a lifetime.

Just imagine yourself writing this thousand page novel and nobody seem to recognize it or even tell that you have done a nice job. What would you feel like doing? Killing every character left right and center?

That’s how God must be feeling when none of us thank him for his awesome creation, thats us. The simple fact that you (we) are still walking, talking and laughing or even crying for that matter, is a proof that God has different plans for you. Its not yet your turn to turn right at the signal. Not yet! So you have to keep going. And oh yeah, God will work out your part better than you. Not just because he is God, but because he is the director and ONLY the director knows what happens to other characters.

Haso, Jiyo, Muskurao, who knows, Kal Ho Na Ho!

PS: I wanted to write about this particular Kal Ho Na Ho line. Hence the entire post! Phuuleeese bear with me!!

Another 55F post!

Hope

She was sitting in the canteen scanning the crowd mindlessly. Her mind was racing ahead, imagining her reaction when he proposes. She should feel relieved of all the tension that has been plaguing her for the past 6 months. She saw him coming and her mind went blank. He looked so serious and stunningly handsome.

Love

No matter how many ever times he practiced, he was unable to work up his courage to propose her. He finally went to her, looked her in the eye and said “I promise to love you even when you have wrinkles, will you be mine?” He stood there waiting for her to respond, silently praying.

Life

She watched as he proposed in his croaky voice. She saw him silently praying and closed her eyes. She heard the girl in front of him look up and smile. She saw him take her hand and she turned away to go home to get married to the guy her parents had found for her.

55 Word fiction

I came across this idea when I was browsing through random blogs.


55 words fiction(55F)

• You have to write a set of three 55F.
• The first two sets should be a story on its own.
• The  two stories should  climax / conclude / inter-twine in the third set of 55F.
• The story could be of any genre i.e, love, crime, mystery or thriller etc.

My attempt at this:
(Idea courtesy: Here2enchant.wordpress.com)

Him

I’m looking forward to this Friday for my wife is leaving out of town for the full next week to her mother’s place. Despite our marriage being a happy one, I’m looking forward to this break of temporary bachelorhood. I’ve missed Men’s party, all nighter and a never ending football for a very long time.

Her

This Saturday, I’m going to my mom’s place after two years. I’m leaving my husband to enjoy himself for a week. It’s a great feeling to go home and be the favourite daughter to my mother.  Post marriage, I’ve forgotten what it is to be taken care of, to not worry about pleasing my in-laws.

Them

I came home early. I could not stay away. He was still at work. I went to kitchen. A clumsily written note sat on the cold stove. “Shweths! Welcome back! No football match, no amount of all night partying seem to give me the same happiness I get when you are around. Missed you!”

Damn those tears!

Hey,

I was wondering whats wrong with me, so hoping this post would clarify a few finer points that I'm unaware of today.

Have you ever cried? Ofcourse I'm not asking about how you cried when you were a toddler and you cried cause you could not stand.

No. I'm asking if you have cried being fully aware of why you are crying and what made you cry.

Yeah, we usually cry when we are sad or frustrated that nothing is happening our way. In other words, when you are feeling helpless. Totally agreed.

Why else do you cry? One of my guy friends told me he cried the other day cause Arsenal lost (or did it win?) I dont know for he would have cried for either of the reasons. I heard a lot of people say they cried on seeing Master Blaster finally hit his 'ton'. Yes, we feel 'tearful'(we dont call it crying if its for a happy reason) when we are happy. 'Happy tears' it is!

So now, the real reason for writing this post is to find out how many of you cry because you are angry.

I do and I want consolation that I'm not any strange species or alien creature. Its very annoying to find yourself in tears when you want to stamp and rage and there comes this whole lot of tears and you give everyone the impression that  you cry to get your way! Its bloody annoying.

It happened the other day when I was incensed about something that the company did to us(lady employees) and I was trying to tell my boss that its not fair and if something can be done about it. To my boss(and mine) intense embarrassment, tears welled up in my eyes. My boss was like giving me this pitiful expression and told me he would see what can be done(as though talking to a victim) Come on! the last thing I wanted was that. I was arguing my stand and I wanted to shout, forget my tears, just listen to what I'm saying! I really dont know if its normal to cry when someone is extremely angry. I was totally and justifiably angry that day and tears spoilt me from expressing the rightful anger.

And the funny part is, once the crying is done with, I feel less angry. Its like the emotion 'anger' has let itself out after a good dose of crying. Sometimes I dont want to let the anger out because I want to let others know that I'm angry that something happened (or didnt happen) to prove my point.However, I end up shedding those dangerous tears and with it, all the anger. So I dont bottle up my anger. I know thats good for health but its not so when you have to establish a presence for you and you want to be heard for the right reasons.

So I decided to google out the answer and I found out that (to nobody's surprise) women cry on an average 64 times a year when compared 19 times for a guy. Mostly the reason is sadness (Although every site that I read mentioned that women cry for no reason apparent or to put it in another way, they cry to get their way) and loneliness or helplessness. A few mentioned happiness and very few mentions of anger. A lot of sites mentioned what one should do to 'not cry'. Somehow when I'm angry, I cant imagine myself taking a deep calming breath in front of my boss or an irrational person behind a sales counter so I dont end up having angry tears.

So, I dont know. Crying does make me feel better in some ways but most of the times it comes in the way of making someone see my point. If you are reading this and come across me in tears please dont feel sad for me for I dont cry much cause I am sad. Its 8 to 10 chances that I am simply fuming inside and I'm extremely angry. And do let me know if you have experienced this and if you have found ways to avoid the tears.

YOU

I stand there looking deep into your eyes,
trying to understand all that you want to say
without words.

My palms lay curled up inside yours,
my shoulders limp.
Whats about to happen,
Thou its inevitable and right.
Mind smiles while my heart sighs.

You are racing ahead,
leaving me far behind,
in an entirely different track
to reach the stars.

Usually, times change
but I only hope ours does not.
Hoping to catch up,
so that I can win my life and YOU.

Incomplete

She was standing there. In her bedroom of the newly built house – nah, Home. Her new home. Looking out the window, Lost in thoughts, wondering what happened, looking back, though she has been told it’s a waste of time. Her eyes registered a vague sense of awareness, as though realising something for the first time. She wanted to grasp it, that unknown, unclear thread of sanity in her completely insane world. God is smiling at me now – She thought, looking up at the sky which seem to stretch infinitely. As though replying her thoughts, cool breeze washed over her face. She took it as an affirmation from God. And she smiled too. She knew that there is a reason for all that happened. She has been patient to find out why. 

She had been in her office that day. Tagged as ‘Newly wed’ and with that shy smile that can be seen only in a face which is, in truth, newly wed. Happily married and then she heard the news through a bizarre phone call. That fateful news that her husband met with an accident. She lost sense of the present. She thought the doctor must be crazy. But looking through the glass door of ICU, she knew.

She has never known how she lived through the haze that followed that fateful phone call. Today, looking back, its indifference, she thought. Wind kissed her face again as though smiling patiently at an adamant kid who refused to look at the obvious. She turned her face against the wind and looked at the people on the beach. They looked so small from her 13^th floor balcony. She suddenly wondered if someone would be thinking about her.

When her husband died, everybody thought she would go into mourning by either crying for few days or turn it inwards and become miserable. She did neither. She embraced life as though she is living for her husband too. She did all that they had planned to do together with full josh. She lived life. People thought she didn’t care. Some thought she is so strong that she moved on. She didn’t care for either view. She lived on with unprecedented josh. Nobody would even guess that she lacked something in life. She had often asked herself if she lacked something in life. “No” came back her strong mind voice. She had everything. Yes. Everything she needed. God always knew what to do with her. Better than herself. So maybe, this was what she had wanted. She gave an unconscious shrug.

One thing that kept her going was the hope that she would somehow find the reason as to why it happened to her, of all the people. She wanted to know what God thought. It has happened. So there must surely be a reason. She just wanted to know it. 

So she faced everyday determined to find out why. Sometimes she felt she almost knew it but it was difficult to grasp. So she lived on. With that strong belief that she will one day find the reason for her life and that day would make her entire life worthwhile.

 

ps: Thank you IHM - Tejaswee for making me write this post.

pps: This post is dedicated to all those who have lost their loved ones and does not yet know how to deal with it.